Hello:
This story is from Po Bronson's book called, --- "What should I do with [the rest of] my life?" It begins on page 14 of that book.
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This story is from Po Bronson's book called, --- "What should I do with [the rest of] my life?" It begins on page 14 of that book.
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Jessica Grossman was twenty-eight. She was
sobbing before we even began. Twice she curled up into a ball in her chair.
She had been an ob-gyn at Thomas Jefferson University Hospital in Philadelphia
until four months ago when she abruptly quit after the usual two weeks notice.
Her dilemma was overwhelming her. It added up to simply this: "What shall I do
with the rest of my life?"
Jessica was a beautiful woman, her hair fell in
long strawberry blond curls. She was pretty and distinctive. People looked
twice. "Every moment from since I was a little girl, all I ever wanted to do
and everything that I prepared for was to practice medicine."
"I worked 16 hour
days for years. I had no personal life. I never could go to the gym because I
had no time. I never went out on a date." So when I left, I also left my life
behind. I don't know what to do with the rest of my life."
Growing up, Jessica's dad was a cardiologist at
Harvard's Brigham Hospital. He never pressured her to become a physician (she
swears). But he was such a fabulous role model, because he had a palpable
passion for his work.
As a youngster, when it snowed her father would take her
with him to the hospital and she spent her time in a small room in the basement
with a chalk board to write on and she loved every moment of it. She dreamed
about snow so she could go to the hospital with her dad.
By high school she was allowed to tag along with
her father's other students. He had a miraculous ability to tune out his
entourage and concentrate entirely on his patient. Holding his or her hand and
giving all of himself to his patient.
Jessica worked in a veterinary hospital in the summertime and became familiar with the blood and guts aspect of surgery and knew that she could handle it.
Jessica worked in a veterinary hospital in the summertime and became familiar with the blood and guts aspect of surgery and knew that she could handle it.
Her grades and attitude were good enough to get
her accepted as a ob-gyn resident at a hospital. She knew the hours were bad,
because babies arrive on their own schedule. She knew ob-gyn's get sued a lot
but she decided not to let this threat end her dream.
Being on the maternity
ward was an exciting experience punctuated by intense joy and relief. Every
day she felt a surge of adrenaline.
Within a year however, Jessica's resolve broke down under
the long hours of work as an intern. Misery and exhaustion were part of the
deal. What Jessica came to realize is that she had no "off" switch.
It turns
out that Doctors not only have to be good at giving of themselves to their
patients, they have to be even better at drawing the line and protecting
themselves.
Jessica admitted that she did not have that ability. Others did
and so did her dad but not her. Even worse, she decided that she couldn't learn
how. In this regard, she decided that you were either born with it or you could
never have it. [In this extremely important decision --- she was
wrong!!!]
Jessica commonly cried with and for her patients.
She also gave her patients her home phone number, even though the hospital had a
rule against it. She regularly took the shifts that no one else wanted,
including holidays. She just couldn't say no.
She thought that this unrelenting
stress would end when her internship was finished but things happened to
persuade her that she was wrong. First, she overheard a favorite Doctor tell her
daughter on the phone that she would have to feed herself and put herself to bed
also.
Another Doctor said that she was being sued for 3 million dollars. Then
a nurse was kicked in the stomach by a pregnant woman who was having trouble
giving birth because her baby's shoulder was trapped behind her pelvic bone.
Later the nurse admitted that she was four months
pregnant and she was bleeding from her vaginal area as a result of the
unintentional kick. The nurse did not lose her baby but she easily could have.
It scared the hell out of Jessica and she went out into the stairwell and burst
into tears.
On another day , Jessica almost peed on herself after many hours of
work where she would not even take the time to go to the washroom. She decided to take a holiday and went over to
London.
She came back with gifts for her five other interns at the hospital but
she was devastated when none of them acknowledged her gifts, let alone thank her
for them. She concluded that they were just too busy to thank her. New Years
eve was her last day. Partly because, once again she volunteered to work on that
holiday.
Her father was devastated by her decision to give
up her job at the hospital. He told her that he loved her and whatever she
chose to do was fine but what about not doing the obstetrics and just doing the
gynecology?
At that point she said, she didn't need him to solve her problems, all she needed was his understanding. She bluntly told him that her mind was
made up. This was her last day. Some people can do it; I can't. I'm a
failure.. That is what she said..
.
